A Surreal Moment

I’m 40 weeks into my pregnancy. My due date is Friday. At the moment, I’m sitting is a cafe working on my netbook, logged into my work network over the VPN, and sending out emails at a lightening-fast  pace to stakeholders and co-workers about website and content management projects. I want to finish up some loose ends for work before the baby arrives.

The background music is droning on amidst the din of chatter and steaming espresso machines. It’s an instrumental, moody rock band that reminds me of Mogwai, a band I loved when I was in my early 20’s. It’s a stark contrast to the sounds of my fingers furiously tapping on the keyboard. Suddenly I feel a couple of cramps and a few baby kicks. It’s enough of a distraction for me to notice a crescendo in the music. Suddenly it feels like the soundtrack to the movie of my life — in this scene, I’m coming to a realization as everything goes into slow motion. My life is going to be completely different next week.

Obviously, I was already aware of this fact. It feels like I’ve been pregnant forever. The baby room is set up and hospital bag is packed. But it hits me that I will be profoundly changed next week in ways I can’t anticipate, maybe even feel like a whole different person. How will I identify with my pre-baby life? What will my daughter look like?

Me at 40 weeks

Me at 40 weeks

The music keeps droning, and I absorb everything around me – from the scenery and sounds to the emotions. I reminisce for a few seconds about my 20’s, when I first met my husband in California, and how we’re here, a few days away from meeting our first child in Seattle.

I’m overcome with the surreal feeling of being so focused on a task one second, and then whisked away, lost in a dreamy moment of time the next.

I glance at the screen of my netbook and see my unfinished email. I snap back to the present task at hand. I remember how much I love what I do, and I refocus again on my work.

But I’m thankful to have that small, quick break — to connect to something bigger and take in everything — and appreciate all that I have.

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